Like Hell Am I Gonna Tell You!
by My Dearest Sally Sparrow
Summary: Midna is back in the Land of Twilight, forever this time. So naturally, things get even more screwed when she finds Zant. You thought he was dead? You thought wrong. T for language.


Finally, I thought as I turned away from where the Mirror of Twilight had once stood. It was over. Things will be normal again.

I sighed as I thought about Princess Zelda and the idiot. I sure would miss them. They stayed with me through every freaking monster and crappy temple. Well, Zelda did get possessed for about 5 minutes, but it wasn't her fault! None of the whole mess was her fault. Stupid Ganon. Zant, why the hell did you believe him?

No girl, stop thinking about him. You'll only cause yourself more pain, and the last thing anyone needs is an angry me.

It's just, it's so hard to believe that I killed someone I used to be so close to. It makes me want to break down and cry. But I can't. What would anyone say if they saw Midna, the Twilight Princess, brave and strong, show her true emotions. So wrong.

"Mid? Is it you?" I hear a weak voice cry out. I turned to see Mr. I'm-Going-To-Listen-To-My-So-Called-'God'-Who's-Really-A-Douchebag-And-Become-Evil himself.

Or Zant for anyone who didn't get the joke.

I stared at him for a while. He looked really shitty. I mean, he looked like someone had just thrown him in a pit with Ganondorf, but had forgotten to give him a sword. Yeah, not pretty. But hey, it was better than being in hell.

So I gave him the most witty response I could think of. "Um, aren't you supposed to be a goner?" I asked. Yep, no "OMG Zant you were so retarded!" or "Damn you messed up." Just straight up what I was thinking.

He chuckled (rather pathetically I might add.) "Middie, you may be the Twilight Princess, but you still can't wreck this pile of bones."

Okay, this guy is making cracks on what might be his deathbed. I knew there was something screwed up in that head of his.

I snorted and shook my head. "Still the same as before the your 'god' descended, eh Zant?"

I saw him freeze. I watched him closely. I remembered how I told him that no one would trust in because his eyes were so full of lust for power right before I…you know. But his eyes didn't look like that anymore. They looked very similar to a child caught with their hand in the cookie jar. He looked as though I was scolding him, but relatively upset as well. He looked as he did before the incident. He looked, well beautiful.

…

Did I just say his eyes were…_beautiful? _God, too much time in the land of light can really mess up a person.

But, they kinda are really nice looking…

Gah! Shut up self!

Thankfully he spoke and distracted me. "I, I am sorry."

Stop the presses. He did NOT just apologize. That's so not Zant-ish.

But he did. Whoa.

So I responded, "Dude, if you want to apologize, go tell it to someone who cares." Because I don't care. Right?

_Wrong, _said my annoying inner voice. I mentally told it to can it.

I start to walk away, but as I do, he yells at me. "Wait! I have to tell you something!"

I glared at him. Not just any glare though, he got the evil eye stare of doom. "What the hell do you want Zant? Do you want me to host a pity-party in your honor? Or would you rather me weep at your feet for the crap of it? 'Cause I'm not really in the mood for either!" Damn. That was harsh.

Zant shook his head frantically and managed to sit up. Wow, I did some work on that guy. I feel like hanging a sign around his neck that says, _Example A of Midna the Great's Power_.

Heh, that would be funny.

_Midna, focus! Zant's going to try to make you have mercy for him. Be strong!_

What do you mean? I'm the freaking Twilight Princess! I feel no mercy!

_Not even towards Zant, the sexiest thing alive?_

…

We're just gonna pretend that never happened.

_Sigh…_

"Midna, please," Zant begged snapping me out of my mental conversation. "I know what I did was horrible and wrong-"

"Damn straight," I commented. What? It was true.

"I was power-hungry and greedy, but you have to understand that I originally had no bad intentions. It was all Ganondorf!"

I could seriously crack up laughing right here, right now. "Well, that's nice to know. Now if you'll excuse me," I turned away from him.

He grabbed my shoulder. I felt a tingling sensation run through my body.

_Tingling sensation?_

Eh, must be static electricity.

_Are you sure of that?_

Yes..? Why wouldn't I be?

_God, you are so oblivious._

Excuse me, but I wouldn't be talking Ms. Oblivious Esquire!

…

…

_Lamest comeback ever._

Shut up.

Then Zant spoke again, "I meant what I said. I did want power but only because, because I…" he trailed off.

"What? Go on, you've caught my interest."

"I thought it would win me your affections." he whispered.

…

…

OH. MY. (not Ganon) GOD.

_I knew it. _

I can't even make a good comeback, I'm so shocked. Dude, Zant freaking loves me.

AH!

But the weird thing is, I don't blow up in his face. I don't scream, "GET THE HECK AWAY FROM ME!" In fact I turn to him and say:

"Do you mean that?"

He nodded. "Every word."

And so, I did the most freaking retarded thing in the whole record book of retarded things to do.

I kissed him.

And he kissed back.

Holy crap.

He tasted _good._

_What did I tell you?_

Hey buddy, you're not the one who lip-kissed the dog. The sexy, gorgeous dog…

_Ew. I may just have to move out of your head if this keeps up._

Go ahead. I want to focus on making out with Zant.

Then I pulled away. We stared into each others' eyes for about forever until I spoke up,

"Will you hog the sheets?"

He looked at me incredibly. "Uh, no."

"Will you wake me up before noon?"

"Dang, I don't even wake up 'til one."

"Will you be mean to any of my people?"

"Well, I just hope they forgive me."

"Will you massage my feet when I'm sore?"

"As long as they don't smell…"

"Will you pay all the bills?"

"You get bills for living in a freaking castle?!"

"Will you rub my back every night?"

"You know I'd do anything to touch you."

"Will you kill anyone who threatens me?"

"They won't even know what hit 'em."

"Will you do whatever I say?"

He grinned. "All you have to do is ask."

I smirked. "Good answers. Now kiss me."

And he did just so.

After a while it hit me. I was kissing a traitor. But it really didn't matter anymore. I would love him even if he did it again.

Well fine, he'd get an ear-splitting scolding from me, but then I'd do a little something to help change his mind.

And like hell am I gonna tell you what.

**So, spill. Did you hate it? Did you love it? Review to tell me! But, no flames. Only constructive criticism. By the way, Happy V-day! Feel happy for me: I have a boyfriend! ****J**


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